Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
COCAINE IS GR8
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
