She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
