My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
if only i could text you this smell
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
