Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
