Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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