So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
