smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
