So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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