I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
