And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
