great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
