just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
