Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
