There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
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