Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
