Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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