You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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