Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
