I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
