My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
