she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
