You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
