Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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