trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
