May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
