the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
