Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
