My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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