I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
