So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
