She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
