It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
