i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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