there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Ambien. No doubt about it.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
