Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We left the knife in your bed.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
