Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
