how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
do nipples grow back?
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