Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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