Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
