After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
