I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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