omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm passing your future prison.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
