I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
