"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
