I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
