She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
