the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
