Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I love having hate sex.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
