I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
