I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
