are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
