True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
