Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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