looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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