Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
