This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
