He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
