i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
