I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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