There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
