Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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