YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
