Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
