I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
