just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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