She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
