I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
