my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
